Anouchka Talks

The automatic toilet keeps flushing while I'm still sitting on it, showering my ass with my own urine.  Then, when I get up, it won't flush and I have to risk contracting something vile by manually flushing.

Most (both) of you faithful readers know what I do for a living, but on the off chance that someone whom I don’t have the pleasure of knowing personally is reading this blog, allow me to preface today’s post with a little about my professional life.  I am a low-level employee at a small college.  I work as an administrative assistant in the academic department at this fine institution amidst some of the most lovable (and –in some cases– the most annoying) people.  (Yes!  You too can earn a liberal arts degree and be the office bitch in a variety of settings!)   Unfortunately, I am just a step above the "coffee and donuts" girl.  Why, you ask, is that un fortunate?  Well, at least if I had that job, I could leave my desk and use the company card to get my own coffee. Or smoothie. Or gin. But seriously, I am indeed blessed with great co-workers, unbeatable flexibility, job security in the fact that my boss appreciates me (surely he must be ...

David Hasselhoff spotting.  At my gym.  In my town. You:   But why, Anouchka, would The Hoff be vacationing in your generic, Midwestern town in February? Me:   Well, apparently it's beautiful this time of year!  (Seriously.  It is in the 50s today.  Unheard of.) You:   OK, OK.  But how do you know that it wasn't just some muscly old guy with a corny David Cassidy grin and a pair of outdated sunglasses? Me:   Ever heard of a little something called intuition ?  Well I have.  Plus, he was carrying a life saving floatation device and sun tan lotion.  And his hair was impeccably mussed. You:   I call bullshit. Me:   Would I lie to you? You:   Yes. Me:   OK, maybe I would and maybe I am, but I know what I saw and this is it: What the hell?  How was this ever "a thing"? OK fine.  Since I am allegedly a liar (prove it), here is how I will make it up to you:  I am condu...

I know I bash politics a lot because, I'll just come right out and say it, I think they're silly.  My indifference to most things allows me the leisurely amusement of getting a rise out of people who are particularly hot on any given subject.  However, like most individuals who actually do give a shit, I also have a set of criteria on what I look for in a candidate and -republican or democrat- I will vote for whomever I feel best meets that criteria. But today, I find myself at a loss for words. http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2012/02/15/146929766/why-romneys-shaggy-dog-story-wont-die While I haven't exactly been a Romney fan up until this point, I am somewhat sympathetic to those under constant scrutiny.  I suppose he has faced his fair share.  But we do make our own beds, do we not?  This is positively inexcusable.  I would sooner vote for a chimp in a scuba suit than this imbecile.  Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to...

They say that mudslinging in political campaigns is as American as apple pie.  However, does no one else see the similarities between political "slinging of mud" and the primatial "flinging of shit?" I submit:  vs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg2AezJo8aQ If you are exasperated by the fact that every time you turn on the radio/TV or open the newspaper, you are bombarded by political news (but you're ashamed to admit that you'd stay tuned to any particular coverage on celebrity haircuts), here is a great story that will leave you feeling hopeful for the days of more thought-provoking news: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2012/02/10/146635596/how-two-bitter-adversaries-hatched-a-plan-to-change-the-egg-business