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Anouchka's Beauty Tips

When asked to share her beauty secrets, Audrey Hepburn responded with the following:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

Many of us can picture Audrey Hepburn saying these wonderful things, given her affinity for the simple life and showing charity.  However, the true author of this excerpt is often debated.  Regardless, it's a nice thought and I find it somewhat inspirational.  It's true, I am not the embodiment of beauty, grace and class like Audrey was.  In fact, a better description for me might be goofy-looking-socially-awkward-verbally-inarticulate-obsessive-compulsive-domineering-halfwoman.  Nevertheless, dear reader, I thought I might be able to inspire you with my own beauty secrets....

For attractive skin, pop your zits.  No one wants to see your disgusting whiteheads.
For a slim figure, eat everything in sight and then whine about how fat you are.  Make yourself feel guilty and then go run 7 miles.  Or don't.
For stunning lung capacity, sleep with your mouth open.  Breathe directly into your partner's face and drool.
For poise, practice zombie walking around the grocery store.
For beautiful hair, skip blow drying and stick your head out the window of your car.  Your hair will look effortlessly maniacal.
For a refreshing fragrance, check your BO by sniffing your armpits in public.  If your face turns green, it's time to discreetly apply prescription strength men's deodorant (a.k.a. "the big guns").
For grace, never blame a fart on someone else.  Always own up to it.
For a lovely smile, floss every day.  While doing so, thread the floss between a couple sets of teeth and sneak up on your husband, surprising him with your best scary monster roar.
Remember, you are beautiful.  There is no one quite like you.

Comments

  1. I've always thought the hair one from Audrey was foul. I don't know where that kid's fingers have been but I know I don't want them anywhere near the vicinity of my face.

    Yours are way better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am printing this list and framing it. Daily inspiration...

    ReplyDelete

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