Anouchka Talks

Today is my oldest child’s birthday. Several years ago, when she made me an Ummi, I thought motherhood was supposed to look like this: I know better now. “Mom, I drew a picture of you because this is what your face always looks like.” Guess which picture is going on my wall.

 Merry Christmas, mammajammas.  Once again, I haven't been keeping up with writing...or any sort of self-enrichment beyond the grind of working my ass off in our home "gym" to maintain this mediocre bod.  If you must know, I haven't spoken to you in awhile because I have been quite busy drinking and watching Netflix homeschooling. I like to call it, homey-schooling,  because our little School for Gifted Youngsters is far more ghetto than all of the beautiful, keepin'-it-tight-full-time-blogging-and-homeschooling-seven-children hos on the internet would have you believe their lives really are.  You know who they are; their hair still looks great and they're always on time and you hate them even though you KNOW they frontin'.  They think that "lol" is a word and, even though you're far more intelligent than they are, they are still making quadruple your family's income despite the combined myriad of degrees you share with your spouse. Sta...

Guys, it has been awhile.  What can I say?  I just haven't been feeling inspired.  I know, I know...  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to discover that I am almost never  inspired; you can find evidence of this conclusion by reading any one of my past posts.  Seriously, just pick one.  But really, it has been busy around here.  Since March, we have been homeschooling both kids.  Part of this was mandated, of course, when everything shut down earlier this year.  However, since we were having growing success with taking charge of our kids' education this spring, we decided to run with it and continued with certain elements of school through the summer.  We will be full on homeschooling for the coming year because our public education system has turned into an absolute cluster.  This is going to be such a throwaway year anyway, so yeah.  We're "those people" now.   Who knows?  Maybe this year, my daughter has...

As the month of March - Women's History Month - comes to a close, I find myself wondering in what ways I have been  womanly  recently.  Of course, in order to answer that question, we would first need to define what it means to be "womanly", and that is much easier said than done.  Most women would probably not agree on the definition of this term.  I think, however, that we can all agree that having a uterus ain't for pussies.  (Get the double entendre?  You should.  It was not subtle.)  As women, w e have far more freedoms and opportunities than ever before, but there is a lot more pressure on us to "have it all".  I know I have commented on this before and I don't anticipate stopping any time soon...so contend with that or quit reading.  As I try to navigate womanhood myself, I also have a daughter to teach.  I know that she is watching me as I struggle to keep it tight (literally and metaphorically), and I want her to see...

"Forgiveness is an act of consciousness." - Yogi Tea Bag The Holy Family as part of the elaborate Creche Notre Dame de Paris (cathedral) in Paris, France mindfulness, bitches: quotes and images that remind me of the important things...with just the right amount of profanity to keep it from getting sappy

My neighbor sent me this last night: In five years, J.Lo will be getting discounts at restaurants and movie theaters because she will be considered a senior citizen.  And she will still look like that.   YOU GUYS I SAID J.LO IS ALMOST A SENIOR CITIZEN.  SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING. Meanwhile, I look more and more like this every day: My friend MoMo was invited to play pool with a friend of hers today.  She told me about it, which is free license for me to post it here. MoMo (and her friend): Anouchka: In her friend's defense, he has only been in the U.S. for about 18 months and apparently thought that an "Italian-American" would be a rare and exotic treat. I'm been pestering Habibi lately to spoil me and praise me and tell me I'm a rare and divine treasure more often, but it hasn't been working.  I'll send him text messages periodically, featuring my face,  looking putrid fr...