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Brain Barf #1

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I've been in desperate need of a vacation, y'all.  I could give you a list of uninteresting things that I've been up to since Christmas, but I won't bore you with the monotony of my commitments and adult responsibilities because that would be boring as hell.  And as I always tell my children...


There have been a great deal of post beginnings on my mind of late, but I have been short on motivation these days.  Maybe this is why I have been publishing those "inspiring" Mindfulness Bitches posts.  (Relax, I have plenty more of those coming.)  But not being able to form a coherent thought has never stopped me from writing before, so I thought I'd throw some ideas at you in a sort of disassociative manner.  Think of it as a conglomeration of my half-formed thoughts or as a type of word vomit...a Brain Barf, if you will.  I can promise you they will be as lacking in direction and organization as the rest of this blog.

As a parent, I regularly find myself thinking, Well, I never thought I'd hear myself say that [insert bizarre utterance here].  Kids really do bring out the weirdest traits in their parents (formerly known to the public as "humans").  Recently, I found myself shouting at my dearest darlings,

"I'LL BE DR. SHELLINGTON AFTER I'M DONE ON THE TOILET!!!!"

That's me, second from left.  Also, "Professor Inkles" is really "Professor Inkling" and "Sauci" really is named "Dashi" on the show.  Not sure what kind of poser put together this half-assed image.  Everyone knows that Captain Barnacles wears a full blue Octonauts suit and Dashi rocks a skirt.  But Kwazii made Lieutenant?  Well eff me, good for him!  That bastard needs a win.

You all remember when I explained Jammy's obsession with the angler fish video last summer?  (If not, use the link above or see the video below as a reminder.)  We experienced a comeback for this rare and strange animal last month for both kids.  Now that Ribbers is a full-fledged two-year-old, he is proudly announcing everything we ask him not to repeat.  I submit [from the angler fish video]: "Hey there pretty lady.  Nice gonads."  For a time, this was Ribbers's favorite thing to say to friends and strangers alike.  Sadly, the lack of parenting "respronsitrilligence" doesn't stop with us letting our toddler watch this video.  If only.  What really ruffled my feathers (while simultaneously warming my heart) was when Habibi encouraged Ribs to quote this line to the kids' G.G., Habibi's 92-year-old grandmother.



It occurred to me last week that I need more princess gowns.  When do those become uncool for us as little girls?  I could would will totally rock a Cinderella dress to Aldi or Target.

One of Jammy's classmates, a five-year-old, approached me the other day to invite me over for cake in his mom and dad's bed.  Upon sharing this with Habibi, the following conversation took place via text message.  (By the way, we like to communicate in GIFs whenever possible.)

Habibi:  They have a nice house, probably some good cake and a spacious bed.  Don't want to turn down that offer.

Anouchka:  ARE YOU WOODY HARRELSON IN INDECENT PROPOSAL???

Habibi: 
Anouchka:  A lifetime of Twinkies alone if you start whoring me out to our daughter's friends.
[Bonus points to you, Blog Reader, if you can make the connection between the gif above and Twinkies...]
Habibi: 

Much like their mother, my children prefer Mrs. Featherbottom to Mary Poppins.  Some of you may hate, but I call this a victory.



So, like I said, I really need a vacation.  You can support my cause by donating to Save Anouchka From A Full Lobotomy on GoFundMe.

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