Skip to main content

Brain Barf #1

By
I've been in desperate need of a vacation, y'all.  I could give you a list of uninteresting things that I've been up to since Christmas, but I won't bore you with the monotony of my commitments and adult responsibilities because that would be boring as hell.  And as I always tell my children...


There have been a great deal of post beginnings on my mind of late, but I have been short on motivation these days.  Maybe this is why I have been publishing those "inspiring" Mindfulness Bitches posts.  (Relax, I have plenty more of those coming.)  But not being able to form a coherent thought has never stopped me from writing before, so I thought I'd throw some ideas at you in a sort of disassociative manner.  Think of it as a conglomeration of my half-formed thoughts or as a type of word vomit...a Brain Barf, if you will.  I can promise you they will be as lacking in direction and organization as the rest of this blog.

As a parent, I regularly find myself thinking, Well, I never thought I'd hear myself say that [insert bizarre utterance here].  Kids really do bring out the weirdest traits in their parents (formerly known to the public as "humans").  Recently, I found myself shouting at my dearest darlings,

"I'LL BE DR. SHELLINGTON AFTER I'M DONE ON THE TOILET!!!!"

That's me, second from left.  Also, "Professor Inkles" is really "Professor Inkling" and "Sauci" really is named "Dashi" on the show.  Not sure what kind of poser put together this half-assed image.  Everyone knows that Captain Barnacles wears a full blue Octonauts suit and Dashi rocks a skirt.  But Kwazii made Lieutenant?  Well eff me, good for him!  That bastard needs a win.

You all remember when I explained Jammy's obsession with the angler fish video last summer?  (If not, use the link above or see the video below as a reminder.)  We experienced a comeback for this rare and strange animal last month for both kids.  Now that Ribbers is a full-fledged two-year-old, he is proudly announcing everything we ask him not to repeat.  I submit [from the angler fish video]: "Hey there pretty lady.  Nice gonads."  For a time, this was Ribbers's favorite thing to say to friends and strangers alike.  Sadly, the lack of parenting "respronsitrilligence" doesn't stop with us letting our toddler watch this video.  If only.  What really ruffled my feathers (while simultaneously warming my heart) was when Habibi encouraged Ribs to quote this line to the kids' G.G., Habibi's 92-year-old grandmother.



It occurred to me last week that I need more princess gowns.  When do those become uncool for us as little girls?  I could would will totally rock a Cinderella dress to Aldi or Target.

One of Jammy's classmates, a five-year-old, approached me the other day to invite me over for cake in his mom and dad's bed.  Upon sharing this with Habibi, the following conversation took place via text message.  (By the way, we like to communicate in GIFs whenever possible.)

Habibi:  They have a nice house, probably some good cake and a spacious bed.  Don't want to turn down that offer.

Anouchka:  ARE YOU WOODY HARRELSON IN INDECENT PROPOSAL???

Habibi: 
Anouchka:  A lifetime of Twinkies alone if you start whoring me out to our daughter's friends.
[Bonus points to you, Blog Reader, if you can make the connection between the gif above and Twinkies...]
Habibi: 

Much like their mother, my children prefer Mrs. Featherbottom to Mary Poppins.  Some of you may hate, but I call this a victory.



So, like I said, I really need a vacation.  You can support my cause by donating to Save Anouchka From A Full Lobotomy on GoFundMe.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Comment if you wish. Or don't.

Popular posts from this blog

Let's be frank...

By
Habibi and I are not at all fanciful.  In fact, every time I try to do something cute (and/or Pinterest-y), I end up frustrated and with egg on my face.  So, we've just decided to embrace our straightforward, blunt way of doing things.  To give you an idea of how we roll, let me tell you a little bit about our life journey together... On our second date, I told Habibi that I really wasn't interested in ever getting married.  Sure I like liked  him ("like liking" would soon change to love), but it just wasn't something I planned for my future.  Seven months later when he proposed (see how that went for me?), I simply said yes.  There was no video, no fireworks, no wild story, no pictures.  He told me to close my eyes (I insisted on sitting on the floor if I had to close my eyes because I was afraid he'd push me on the ground) and when I opened them, there he was, on one knee, holding a ring.  Afterwards, we kissed and he told me I had co...
3 comments
Read more

I Am So A Hipster: The Hipster's Way of Letting You Know That He/She Is Not, In Fact, A Hipster

By
I just got home from having a great coffee date with a great friend. For those of you who know me personally, you will recall that I am somewhat awkward socially.  A few weeks back, my friend and I decided we wanted to meet for coffee at a local chocolaterie .  (We both lived/studied in France and anything with a European flair makes us nostalgic.)  Now, this may be news to her if she is reading this post, but my first awkward moment was when she walked in the door.   Do I get up and give her a hug since I haven't seen her in nearly two years?   (A normally functioning person would have done so.)   Do I give her a high five?   ( Not  what higher thinkers typically do.)   What????   (Yes, these are the things that plague my brilliant mind.)  Fortunately, she was graceful enough to have seemingly overlooked my stiff greeting and we were able to begin reminiscing. After a wonderful and uplifting chat about France, running, gossipin...
3 comments
Read more

The Joys of Fall and Eating Dinner

By
When I was just a little tike, I learned a song about Halloween.  The lyrics went something like this: Jack-O-Lantern, Jack-O-Lantern, You are such a pretty sight, As you sit there in the window, Looking out on the night! You were once a yellow pumpkin, Growing on a sturdy vine. Now you are a Jack-O-Lantern, See the candlelight shine! I know it isn't exactly Hemingway (thank goodness), but poor Habibi found me singing it to myself in the bathroom this morning as I was getting ready for the day.  (Oh, shut up.)  For your enjoyment (obviously) I've included the inspiration for my morning concert below: WE GOT TO CARVE OUR PUMPKIN LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! I love Halloween.  Every year around this time I start to get the jitters as though something terribly exciting and adventurous is about to happen.  I love the crunch of fall leaves, crispy mornings, eerie evenings and smoky nights.  Spooky stories, haunted houses, the s...
3 comments
Read more