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On The McRib & Being A Star Athlete

Earlier this week, I received a text from Habibi.  Every so often, I will get a midday text saying, "I love you," or "I hope you're having a wonderful day."  These always make me a little bit giddy, so when I saw that my beloved had sent me a message, I opened it with fervor.


While the message contained a species of fervor, it did not mirror my own.  In fact, it read nothing more than "MCRIB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


ATTENTION ALL AMERICANS:  THE MCRIB IS BACK AT MCDONALD'S!!!!!

While I do not partake in this much anticipated American custom (remember, I don't eat dead pig corpses), Habibi awaits it the same way a Disney fanatic would go bananas over a DVD being released from the infamous vault.  As we were out and about yesterday morning, we had a discussion about this legendary sandwich.  It was only 9 in the morning, a full hour and a half before McDonald's even begins serving items on their regular menu, when Habibi stated his innermost desire for a McRib.  Naturally, we began imagining ways to market the McRib as a breakfast menu item when I sarcastically suggested serving it on an English muffin with an egg à la Egg McMuffin.  Ecstatic by this suggestion, Habibi named the newly imagined sandwich the McOrgasm.  Oh, what a romantic husband have I.


Now, to change gears to a completely unrelated topic:  ladies and gents, the results are in!  I have officially participated in my first organized run and I think -think- that I set my own personal record (although I really have no way of being certain of this fact).  


If you will recall in one of my earliest posts from the beginning of September (of course, I expect you to remember my every word), I mentioned that I had signed up for several races/runs this fall.  Yesterday morning, I took my maiden voyage by running a 5K.  As Habibi and I rolled in at 7:15am to pick up my registration packet, I watched as people of all shapes and sizes milled about.  Although I am not a competitive person by nature, I found myself sizing up the other runners, hoping and praying that I would not come in last place.  Once the race began, I felt relieved as I started off at a nice clip and positioned myself between the experienced and intermediate runners.  Things were looking bright!  Yet to my great dismay, I felt the sudden urge to take a dump shortly after I started running.   NNNNOOOO!  Determined against such a shameful defeat, I overcame my obstacle -just like Lance Armstrong- by taking off on my first fartlek.  Fortunately for me (and the other runners) this fartlek did not lead to any actual farts and I was able to turn my handicap into motivation by finishing the run in 25 minutes (approx. 8:20/mile).  In any case, I had such a wonderful time and will be disappointed on my regular run by the lack of people cheering me on at every turn. 


So, although I didn't come in first place, I was delighted by the following:
1.  I was neither last nor first, but pretty much in the middle.  Luckily, this meant that people didn't really look at me...which was one of my fears.
2.  Because the 5K was to raise money/support for a local middle school's wellness program, I was terrified that it would be me running with a bunch of anorexic 13-year-olds.  Praises be, this was not the case!  RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!
3.  I got a new t-shirt.
4.  I got in my morning workout which is normally hit or miss on Saturdays.  This enabled me to eat like a fatso for the rest of the day, particularly at the wedding I went to that night.


As I sit here typing in Habibi's office, I realize that I have just consumed four cookies in ten minutes, plus a small handful of raisins, the origins of which are entirely unknown to me.  BONUS!!!  If you are supposed to carb-a-load prior to a race, then you clearly must fat-a-load the following afternoon and morning so that you can crap-a-load properly.


Anyway, I couldn't help but feel like the perfect example of a first world yuppy yesterday.  The 5K took place in a wealthier part of town and afterwards, Habibi and I celebrated by going to a nearby Starbuck's.  How upper crust is that?  ("Very" is the answer.)  I really felt honored that the rest of America decided to join us at franchises across the nation to congratulate me, but I could have done without the lines.  Behold, the price of being a B-list celebrity.  This must be what Michael Phelps feels like.  Oh, Mike, you're such a card!!!  (Yes, we are on a first-name basis, now that I'm an athlete and all.)


Be looking for my face on boxes of Wheaties at your local grocery store.

Comments

  1. "McOrgasm".....oh my word. Lol. Congrats on the 5K! I'm so proud!

    ReplyDelete

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