Anouchka Talks

Schadenfreude - the pleasure derived from the misfortune of others I was going to save this post for Mother's Day, because I felt that it represented an appropriate reality of what it looks like, day-to-day, being a stay-at-home mom.  But then Lady Wisdom came a-knocking (on my skull with her have-some-more-grey-hair-stick) and I thought, Why the hell would I wait for Mother's Day?  Every damn day is for someone else, so I'm going to share this post NOW.  Maybe it will help someone else by either making them laugh, or giving them a good dose of "Wow, I'm a waaay better mom than she is" schadenfreude.   Anyway, as an obligatory disclaimer:   this post has somewhat more profanity in it than my normal ones do.  I usually try to keep this blog space a little bit less sweary than my brain, but since there are direct quotes included from my real life, I wanted to keep it as raw and real and representative of moms like me as possible.  Please enjoy... ...

I don't make New Year's resolutions.  They're corny, cliché, and -well, frankly- kind of lame.  Now, I'm not knocking people who make them...I just don't understand why someone would (a) try to come up with something for the sake of coming up with something for a resolution or (b) wait until January 1 to start something that they could just start now . Wanna lose weight this year?  Congratulations, you have the same resolution that all of last September's fat people had a year ago.  Plan to start spending more time with your family?  What are you waiting for?  It isn't like you'll have more  free time in a few weeks.  How about unwinding more and living in the moment?  You know, seize the day and all that?  I hope you've saved a lot of cash because you have to get a prescription for all of that Xanax. Sorry, y'all.  I'm just sayin'. I do, however, appreciate the freshness  of a new year, and the feeling of rejuvenation t...