Working out with old childhood friends

It is no surprise that new moms (or any moms, really) have precious little time for themselves.  We see and hear evidence all over the place and -dare I say it?- most of us are hanging on to a few remaining pregnancy pounds, even after over a year of motherhood.  Sure, there are rare exceptions to this but that is just what they are:  rare exceptions.  Most of us have not been graced with impeccable metabolisms, stellar genetics, inner chi or limitless self-control and/or discipline.  Still, it's a tough gig and taking a little time to work on our new bodies is important.  But between diapers, errands, naps, meals, cleanup, maintaining a career and managing (or perhaps even delegating) the rest of the household responsibilities, when exactly are we supposed to do that?

Somehow, I am more exhausted now when my only real exercise is pulling Chicky off the furniture when she tries to climb from the couch to the coffee table, or running after her to keep her from licking the cat than I was when I ran five to ten miles a day and lifted weights several times each week.  While I still cook most of our meals at home, I have spent less time managing calories and just wolfing my food down so that I can get the next thing checked off the list.  I am less of a stickler about varied fruits and vegetables in my own diet than I was before, and now just aim to get some of each in every day.  In other words, I'm doing my best, but it isn't quite enough.

Just the other day it dawned on me that I might have a possible solution to some of the fatigue and lethargy that comes with parenting babies and toddlers.  Clearly, moving around more would be beneficial in that it would (1) wake me up and (2) be good for my body.  As I found myself singing and dancing to the music of my own childhood on the Disney Children's Radio station on Pandora (one of our favorites during play time) I thought, Why can't I turn this into a workout?  From this thought, the Disney Ass-Kicker (below) was born.

I do not claim that this workout is effective.  I do not claim that you will lose weight or not injure yourself or that you will even like it.  I do not claim that you won't look like a total idiot while doing it.  Still, it is a child-friendly enough workout that you will at least be able to move around while monitoring -and even engaging- your little one.  It is still a work in progress (in that I haven't assigned options for each possible song type), but these are just suggestions.  Feel free to make it fit you by modifying any of it.  It does require some Disney knowledge but, as most of us new moms are children of the 80s and 90s, I'm operating on the assumption that we are well-versed in Disneyology from our own childhoods.

THE DISNEY ASS-KICKER

• Use the Disney (Children's) Radio station on Pandora.
• Aim to do this workout for about 30 minutes a day - more if you and your kiddo feel up to it!
• Feel free to mix it up or substitute activities as needed, especially if you have two consecutive activities (i.e. plyometrics followed by more plyometrics).  Remember, you can always hit "skip" on Pandora.  The important thing is to keep moving...and not kick your kid.
• Singing along is strongly encouraged.  Hell, it may even get your heart rate up a little more.

(Warm up - Activity of your choice)

If the following character types are singing, complete the accompanying activity.  I have given examples of character types below each suggestion.

Princess - Dance!

-Pull out your old dance movies be they zumba, ballet, tap, or original moves from your old prom days!

-Dancing is reserved for "true" princesses, as in characters that were born into royal families, making them princesses before they met their boy toys.  Examples:  Jasmine (from Aladdin), Sleeping Beauty (from Sleeping Beauty...duh), Ariel (from The Little Mermaid), Rapunzel (from Tangled), Anna or Elsa (from Frozen), Gisele (from Enchanted), etc.

Girl (Human, Non-princess) - Plyometrics
-Think burpees, jumping jacks, explosion jumps, balance leaps, etc.

-These are all female characters who are not princesses from the beginning.  Examples:  Belle (from Beauty and the Beast), Cinderella (from Cinderella), Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog), Mary Poppins (from Mary Poppins), Mulan (from Mulan), Meg or the muses (from Hercules), etc.

Boys (Humanish - includes Phil from Hercules or the Genie from Aladdin) - Kickboxing

-Remember your kickboxing classes from the gym before you had a baby?  Use that here!  Just be careful if your little one is around you.

-These are all of the male characters who are human (and the Genie from Aladdin).  Examples:  Shang or any of the other warriors (from Mulan), Aladdin or the Genie (from Aladdin), Hercules or Phil (from Hercules), etc.

Animal/Monster/Other - Strength Training

-Strength training may include weights, or you can just use your own body for resistance (i.e. squats, lunges, leg lifts, tricep dips, etc.)

-These are the non-human characters of any gender or social standing.  Examples:  Baloo, the vultures, or King Louis (from The Jungle Book), Mike and Sully (from Monsters Inc.), Sebastian (from The Little Mermaid), the dogs in the pound (from Lady and the Tramp), any of the characters from The Lion King, or The Aristocats, etc.

Villain (of any gender or species) - Stairs + Baby!

-Pick up that baby/toddler and get to steppin'!  Carry him/her up and down the stairs for the duration of the song.  If you don't have stairs (or get too tired), you can also squat or walk in place.

-There is a reason I assigned this move to the villains...they SUCK!  Examples:  Ursula (from The Little Mermaid), Scar (from The Lion King), etc.

Ensembles/Duets - Varies

-If there is an ensemble (a group of singers) or a duet, use the lead character to choose which activity you use.  Examples:  Be Our Guest (from Beauty and the Beast) has lots of characters singing, but Lumiere is clearly the lead character, so you'd do Strength Training (Animal/Monster/Other).  I'll Make a Man Out of You (from Mulan) is an ensemble sung mostly by men, so you'd do kickboxing.  With true ensembles/duets like A Whole New World (from Aladdin) where all of the characters sing about equally, pick up your kiddo and dance with him/her!

Non-Character Songs - Abs
-Pick your favorite abdominal exercises. I like "one hundreds", planks, and various physical therapy maneuvers for my diastasis.

-These are the songs that regular artists who were not doing voice-overs recorded.  Examples:  Celine Dion (for Beauty and the Beast), Elton John (for The Lion King), Randy Newman (for Toy Story), Rascal Flatts (for Cars), or Phil Collins (for Tarzan), etc.

If a song DOESN'T work for the above pairings - Strengthen and Lengthen
-Do yoga, Pilates, barre work, or stretching.

-If a song is perhaps too slow, or just not conducive to a particular activity, take the opportunity to work on your balance, posture, core, flexibility and so on.  Examples:  Go the Distance (from Hercules, would normally be kickboxing), Reflection (from Mulan, would normally be plyometrics), etc.

(Cool down - Activity of your choice)

So that's about it.  I haven't come up with any other activities or song classifications, but I think this covers most of it.  Of course, these rules aren't hard and fast.  The only person who will ever see you doing this is your baby...and perhaps, as in my case, a neighbor.