Overqualified??

As I sat in my living room this morning, coffee cup in hand, Betty (the cat) curled up in my lap, I thought to myself, How lame would it be if I called in sick this morning because I wanted to spend the day hanging out with my cat?  Needless to say, I’m here at work this morning….

I have a great life and, overall, I’m a happy person.  I am married to the single most ravishing piece of man flesh on the planet, I have a loving family, an unwavering and fabulous group of friends, my cat kicks ass and my apartment is like a super modern tree house.  I’m even convinced that my car is a Transformer because –despite my best efforts– in the ten years that I have owned it, I have never been in so much as a fender bender.  (Note that I did not say that I had never been in an accident; I just have not been in an accident in this car.)  What more could a person want?

However, as 30 is entering my line of vision, I can’t help but think that occupationally, there is much to be desired.  Since graduating from college, I have had a number of different jobs ranging from clerical work to customer service to wiping butts at a day care center.  (I really am a Renaissance woman.)  Sadly, none of these things have left me feeling professionally fulfilled and that my education was worth the thousands of dollars and hours that I poured into it.  Sound like a common dilemma in my generation?  It is.

While I would certainly not change my decision to major in French in college, I wish I could warn the younger version of myself that a B.A. is useless unless you are über specialized in something.  With that said, I have decided to compile a list of other potential career choices for someone who shares my situation and interests.  I have divided this list into three categories.  They are as follows:

 

1. Jobs I thought I could attain with a B.A. in French (a.k.a. HAHAHAHA!!!)
   
   • Become a travel writer for National Geographic/National Geographic Traveler, Fodor’s, Frommer’s or a similar travel publication.  Wouldn’t it be fun to have a regular column in NGT or be able to write about all the exciting attractions in some exotic place for a travel guide?  This is akin to hoping to be a movie star. 
   • Attend culinary school in France.  Open up my own restaurant in the U.S. and return to France every few years to learn the latest in French cooking. 
   • Work for the government.  Yeah.  Right.

2. I have absolutely no clue what I am getting myself into but I’m sort of intrigued by this idea.
• Open a family business.  Habibi and I have been toying with this idea for some time.  We love the idea of really investing ourselves into something that matters to us and the being our own boss thing doesn’t hurt either.  Sadly, the world is already saturated with failed coffee shops and bistros.  Opening up a used book store would be ludicrous because the e-readers, Kindles and online sources would bury us alive.  And that is my biggest fear.  Being buried alive.  It comes from when I was little kid at my neighbor’s house and I saw the movie “Buried Alive.”  Then I got my head stuck in the banister on their stairway, but that is a story for another day.  Anyway, let’s continue to think about this option.
• Write children’s books.  I have ideas, but by the time I am able to sit down and work on them, my mind is numb from doing mind numbing things all day long.  So the question is, how do I make money doing nothing so that I can spend that time working on my next Caldecott Award?

3. “Career” changes (I put “career” in quotation marks because in order to have a “career change,” one must first have a “career.”)
• Go back to school either for cosmetology or to teach high school P.E.  Either of those would be good because then I could feed my obsessions for hair products and health/fitness and get paid for it.  If I were a P.E. teacher, then I could wear gym clothes all day long and I’d never have to do my hair again!  (But I’d keep using the expensive stuff on it.)
• Become an opera diva.  You may laugh at this, but I’m really good.  My shampoo bottles award me with nothing short of thunderous applause and demands for an encore.
• Write acceptance speeches for the Grammys.  I’d like to thank my friends and family for being so supportive, my fans for their love and devotion, and God in heaven for making me so fine.
• Live off welfare.  Hey, it’s lucrative!

All I ask is that my next employer

1. Overpay me by a long shot.
2. Be me or someone equally badass but, let’s face it:  That will never happen.
3. Leave me alone so I can do what I want.
4. Let me bring Betty (or any future pets) to work.

Anyone hiring?